Brahmaviharas: Bring Joy and Compassion to Your Daily Routine
Remove the obstacles that stand in the way of your inner peace.
In Buddhism, the god Brahma is said to dwell (vihara) in four forms of love known as Brahmaviharas or “divine abidings.” The four Brahmaviharas are loving-kindness, compassion, appreciative joy, and equanimity.
In the yoga sutra 1.33 (Maitri karuna mudito upekksanam sukha dukha punya apunya vissayanam bhavanatas chitta prasadanam), Patanjali cites them as well: “By cultivating an attitude of friendship toward those who are happy, compassion toward those in distress, joy toward those who are virtuous, and equanimity toward those who are non-virtuous, lucidity arises in the mind.”
These are the attitudes we are instructed to cultivate in everyday life. So that our own minds are not disturbed. Although they seem all touchy-feely to develop them, we have to be strong and courageous.
It is easy to feel loving-kindness, appreciation, caring, equanimity and joy for a puppy. They become strong when we keep them in the forefront, in all our social encounters, with anyone we meet, no matter how challenging. They become stable when not compromised by fear, aversion, and craving.
So rather than trying to artificially feel these, we practice them in meditation. In consequence, we can recognize and cultivate them in our ordinary, everyday life.
Remove Obstacles to happiness using brahmaviharas
Ultimately, the purpose of this teaching is a method to remove the obstacles that stand in the way of our inner peace. We simply need to know which one to use when. To do it, we need to have them at the ready.
In our usual social encounters, we can offer friendliness and kindness. Metta is wishing wellbeing for others, as all beings desire happiness.
When people are suffering, we focus on compassion. Karuna is the wish for their suffering to end.
When people are happy and successful, our appreciative joy shares in their good fortune. Mudita is the wish for their joy to continue.
Lastly, in situations of difficulty where the other three are not appropriate or helpful, we approach with equanimous love. Upekka is the wish that we do not become agitated.
Remember, the goal in yoga is to keep a serene mind. You just need to keep these four keys in your back pocket and learn to use the right key with the right person, and you will retain your peace. Thus, they must be practiced when our nervous systems are calm and at ease. When a situation arises where they are needed, we are more likely to draw on them.
Broaden and Build positive Emotions practicing the Brahmaviharas
The Brahmaviharas are natural human capacities, yet they may be underdeveloped.
Barbara Fredrickson, a professor of positive psychology at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, is known for her “broaden and build” theory of positive emotionism. This theory states that there are more negative emotions like fear, anger, sadness, or disgust than positive emotions. Most chalk this up to natural selection and survival.
In our modern society, chronic negative emotions can lead to all kinds of physical and mental illnesses. But, positive emotions can guard us against them. Negative emotions prompt us to take a specific action like running from danger. However, positive emotions don’t necessarily require specific actions to “protect” us. Instead, positive emotions cause changes in cognition, such that they broaden our perspective, enhance coping skills, and make us more resilient.
Practicing the Brahmaviharas is one way to “broaden and build” positive emotions into one’s life. The ancient yogis gave us a set of tools to help cultivate a particular attitude in our minds. Over time, we can build new neural pathways.
We know from the science of neuroplasticity that what we think, do and pay attention to changes the structure and function of our brains. Each time these intentions are evoked, they become stronger and more readily available to us.
Positive emotions cause changes in cognition, such that they broaden our perspective, enhance coping skills, and make us more resilient.
Brahmaviharas Guided Meditation:
How to practice the four Brahmaviharas
The general guideline in meditation practice is:
Focus on one of the four Brahmaviharas.
Stay present with this attitude.
Feel it in the body and mind so that you can get to know it better.
Allow it to grow.
We bring to mind someone or an experience, to which it is easy to feel these feelings and then get progressively more challenging. We can begin with loving-kindness because when loving-kindness grows, it naturally overflows into compassion.
As one empathizes with other people's difficulties, there is an appreciation of other people's good fortune, or appreciative joy, rather than jealousy.
The practice of the Brahmaviharas matures into resilient equanimity. So, ultimately you remain kindly disposed of and accepting in all situations and relationships.
Practicing Brahmavihara 1 - Metta (Loving-Kindness)
“The bud stands for all things, even for those things that don’t flower, for everything flowers, from within, of self-blessing; though sometimes it is necessary to reteach a thing its loveliness, to put a hand on its brow of the flower and retell it in words and in touch it is lovely until it flowers again from within, of self-blessing”
— Galway Kinnell
Loving-Kindness is a natural quality we all have and one that can be cultivated. It’s not overly sentimental. It’s about connection and can cut through separation. You can feel it quite clearly in your body (spaciousness, warmth, a smile). We can cultivate it through practice or it can arise in a moment.
Also, this can be challenging, so if you try it and it feels too syrupy, and nothing seems to be happening, or you experience the opposite of loving-kindness, just keep going. It is very natural and a part of the practice to see what gets in the way of loving ourselves or another.
To do this practice, we use phrases and silently direct the sentences of kindness. There are some traditional phrases that you can use, or you can be creative and use sentences that make sense for you and feel meaningful.
Phrases to Cultivate Loving-Kindness:
May I/you be happy and peaceful
May I/you be healthy and strong
May I/you be safe from inner and outer danger
May I/you live your life with ease
Or you can try different ones:
May you live long
May you achieve what you want and deserve in life
May you accept your anger and sadness
May you be happy and healthy always
To begin, go slowly. The practice always begins with developing a loving acceptance of yourself. Then, systematically move towards five others. Start with a loved one, an easy person or animal and then keep moving on to other types of persons.
Developing loving-kindness towards:
Yourself
A dearly beloved—a close family member, friend, or pet
A respected, beloved person—such as a teacher, mentor, or friend
A neutral person—somebody you know, but have no special feelings towards (the barista at your favorite coffee shop, for instance)
A difficult person—someone you are currently having difficulty with (to the best of my ability I wish that you be…)
Everyone!—all forms of life
As you systematically send loving-kindness from person to person in the above order, it will have the effect of breaking down the barriers between these types of people and yourself. Such separation is the source of much conflict that we experience in our minds. Let the phrases seep into your body, mind, and heart.
Notice if loving-kindness arises in your body and mind and if not, keep going. You are planting seeds. The phrases act as a conduit of loving-kindness.
In the Moment Loving-Kindness Practice
As you move through your day, silently direct the phrases toward the people you encounter. Try it while waiting in line or in traffic. Make sure to send them to yourself!
Overall, Loving-Kindness meditation is a softening of the heart and mind. It does not depend on our relationships or on how the other person feels about us. But, it is a meditation that evokes a feeling of warmth and is meant to build the muscle of care, tenderness, and friendship.
Send loving-kindness from person to person to break down the barriers between other people and yourself.
Practicing Brahmavihara 2 - Karuna (Compassion)
Compassion is a practice that connects us to others and gives us a sense of courage as we step into situations where people are experiencing difficulty or distress. It’s traditionally described as “a quivering of the heart in response to pain.” It is not pity or indifference. It’s a feeling of genuine care and concern.
The cultivation of compassion begins with acknowledging the suffering and learning to let it in. It can be difficult to face suffering. We may want to hide from it, and it can even stir up emotions like fear and anger. We can become overwhelmed by suffering. If you tend towards disconnection, compassion practice can be very beneficial.
In fact, Drs Tania Singer and Olga Klimecki research found neural activation when confronted with images of people in pain. Those that had undergone compassion training showed greater neural activation in brain regions associated with “positive affect and affiliation” versus those areas associated with negative feelings of withdrawal and burnout.
Compassion practice is helpful when we feel we want to respond to a person’s suffering or suffering in the world and don’t know what to do. Also, compassion practice includes action.
We can combine wishes with simple acts of being present for someone, to service, and even to acts of courage. Also, we also develop compassion by understanding when we can’t be compassionate and not judging ourselves for wherever we are. It takes practice to move away from the default response of avoidance or anger to the embodiment of compassion.
Phrases to Cultivate Compassion
We practice in the same way as we do the loving-kindness practice: start with someone for whom it is easy to feel compassion, begin directing the phrases towards them.
Later move to someone where it is a bit more challenging (that someone could be yourself). As you send compassion, notice what comes up and bring your mindfulness to it. Let yourself compassionately hold whatever arises. Use the following sentences.
May you be free from pain and sorrow.
May you be free from suffering.
I care about your suffering.
May you hold your pain and suffering with ease.
In the moment compassion meditation practice:
As you move through your day, silently direct the phrases toward the people you encounter, especially when you find suffering and notice the impact.
Apply self-compassion. When you feel pity for yourself or any other difficult emotion, take a moment to be mindful. Think about the thousands of people who are feeling the exact same thing at this moment. Silently send the phrases to everyone, including yourself.
Overall, compassion practice lets us open our hearts to the suffering of others. It can move us out of a place of distress or fatigue in the face of suffering and into one of positive action. Over time, compassion practice builds courage as it helps us face difficulty while maintaining a sense of connection.
Practicing Brahmavihara 3 - Mudita (Appreciative Joy)
Joy is something that we are all entitled to. However, we can lose touch with it because of life circumstances. Appreciative Joy is a way to access joy. It is a way to make room for joy.
The practice focuses on connecting with the joy of someone’s good fortune and allowing yourself to feel it. Above all, it is a practice that counteracts Schadenfreude, the pleasure derived by someone from another person's misfortune. Thus, it lessens feelings of jealousy, envy, or competitiveness.
When you access this quality of the heart, you feel joyous inside because you can’t feel envy and happiness simultaneously. So, when someone offers you appreciative joy for something wonderful in your life, you also feel seen and loved.
This quality of the heart can be developed through formal practices or in the moment.
Phrases to cultivate appreciative joy:
May your happiness and good fortune never leave you.
May your happiness and good fortune grow and grow.
I am happy for you!
Begin with someone you feel this for quite naturally, then progress to someone you feel neutral for, then someone you have difficulty with, and then all beings.
In the moment joy meditation practice:
If you notice yourself falling into “comparing mind” or feeling envy or jealousy, explore with mindfulness what that feeling is like. Where do you experience it in your body? What do you think you might want or need? Then, if it feels right, send some appreciative joy towards them and the situation.
Practice it on social media. Next time you see someone posting their good fortune, wish them well and witness how that feels.
When we do this practice, we meet envy with kindness. It lessens the feelings of scarcity or fear. Therefore, when you feel joy for another’s good fortune, you are expanding joy in your own life. You may find with this practice, your friendships get stronger. You begin to truly feel your own worthiness. As Oscar Wilde stated perfectly,
“Be Yourself. Everyone else is already taken.”
Practicing Brahmavihara 4 - Upekka (Equanimity)
Swami Satchidananda often said: "You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf!".
Equanimity is a state of balance, even-mindedness, a sense of stability and calm amidst the changing nature of life. We all have had access to it many times in our lives. Moreover, it can be cultivated through noticing that things change (“this too shall pass”) and mindfulness practice in general. We can notice it through our asana practice by knowing where we are caught in our attachment to a specific result.
Equanimity can seem like dispassion, disconnection, or apathy. However, true equanimity is a deeply connected state of mind. One can be passionate yet recognize the truth of things “as they are.” Having equanimity does not make us inactive. We engage, but we do it from a mind of equanimity.
Phrases to Cultivate Equanimity:
Things are as they are.
I am as I am.
May I accept things just as they are.
May I accept myself just as I am.
Other people’s happiness and unhappiness depend on their actions and not on my wishes for them.
In the moment equanimity meditation practice:
Choose something in your life— a situation or person in which you feel you have a lot of equanimity. Think about it and slowly direct any equanimity phrases that resonate with you towards that situation. Say it over and over slowly, silently, and stay connected to your body. Notice how it feels as you invoke these phrases. Hence, when you notice a feeling of equanimity or calm, let it be there and spread.
Choose a situation where you have very little equanimity. Begin to direct the phrases towards that situation and see what happens. If equanimity arises, let it be there. Keep repeating the sentences. Let the feeling spread. If frustration, grief, or apathy arises, see if you can gently notice with mindfulness what you are feeling and let it be. Send equanimity phrases to yourself.
The fact is, you can't know what changes your life will bring or what the ultimate consequences will be. We don’t know how we will feel. However, we can work on how we relate and respond.
Equanimity allows for the unknowable, uncontrollable nature of things to be just as they are.
Brahmaviharas: a pathway to cultivate happiness and self-satisfaction
The Dhammapada says, “Hatred cannot coexist with love and kindness. It dissipates when supplanted with thoughts of love and compassion.” All of these practices promote self-contentment and inner joy. They are designed to connect us with others and keep our minds at ease.
All of these practices promote self-contentment and inner joy. They are designed to connect us with others and keep our minds at ease. The Brahmaviharas are a way to cultivate the mind of yogi—happiness, appreciation, acceptance.
This fascinating part of these ancient practices is that they have the power with practice to change the brain by reinforcing the neural circuits for self-awareness and empathy. It’s a lovely pathway for cultivating happiness and self-satisfaction.
If you struggle with practicing brahmaviharas, feel free to reach out to me. We’ll be glad to help you.