Looking for and Discovering Hope
Hope is the thing with feathers -
That perches in the soul -
And sings the tune without the words -
And never stops - at all
― Emily Dickinson
How can we find hope amid uncertainty, conflict, or loss?
The concept of hope is difficult to describe. It is deeper than simple optimism, and more mysterious, delicate, and elusive.
Hope is both a noun and a verb. As a noun, it is a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen ( I have great hope for the future.). As a verb, it is to want something to happen or to be the case (I hope I get that job.).
Hope is a feeling that’s important to develop and cultivate, but like faith, it is also a state with which you are graced. In effect, hope is a way of thinking, a cognitive process.
Hope can foster determination, grit, and resilience when you can make daily efforts to change and improve what you can control. Dostoyevsky said, “To live without hope is to cease to live.”
His words remind us that apathy is not an enlightened path. Instead, we live with possibility, knowing full well that impermanence prevails.
Ordinary Hope
In Buddhism, there is a bit of skepticism around hope. In fact, hope is held lightly.
Ordinary hope is based on desire, wanting an outcome that could well be different from what will actually happen. Not getting what you hoped for is usually experienced as some kind of misfortune. Someone who is hopeful in this way has an expectation that always hovers in the background, the shadow of fear that one’s wishes will not be fulfilled.
This ordinary hope is a subtle expression of fear and a form of suffering. In our culture, we are taught that hopes are good. But really our hopes are often based on our fears.
Your greatest hope lies opposite your greatest fear, and we tend to shift back and forth between the two. They are just opposite sides of the same coin, and both generate tension.
What Buddhism is pointing to is that you must give up “hope” that there is somewhere better to be or that there is someone better to be.
Wise Hope
Instead, we can think of wise hope or active hope in a sense. It does not deny realities but instead, it means facing them. It means seeing the world with equanimity instead of craving and fixation. It is a process and a practice.
First, you must take a clear view of reality. Second, you must identify what direction you’d like things to go or the values you’d like to see expressed. Then you can take steps to move in that direction.
Hope then is not about the future or somewhere better to be. It is a clear seeing of reality—Wise Hope. It is aligning your actions with your intention. It’s when you realize you don’t know what will happen that this kind of hope comes alive; in the midst of uncertainty is the very space to act.
Here’s where it feels like a paradox to harness the power of uncertainty. A future that is uncertain holds lots of possibilities. As such, uncertainty is not a reason for paralysis–it is a reason to hope.
An uncertain future is not a reason to feel fear, but rather a reason to hope.
The Way Forward
Charles Snyder, the author of The Psychology of Hope, defines hope as a trilogy of goals, pathways, and agency. Hope happens when:
You have the ability to set realistic goals. (I know where I want to go.)
You are able to figure out how to achieve those goals, including the ability to stay flexible and develop alternative routes. (I know how to get there, I'm persistent, and I can tolerate disappointment and try again.)
You have self-efficacy, the ability to believe in yourself. (I can do this!)
So, hope combines setting goals, having the tenacity and perseverance to pursue them, and believing in your own abilities.
This is Wise Hope. You must see clearly to set realistic goals. You must figure out how to move in that direction, despite setbacks. And to move in alignment with your values and intentions means you must believe in your ability.
Snyder also points out that hope can be learned. When one learns with support and consistency to value hard work and perseverance, there will be no expectation that things come fast and easy, which only sets you up for a feeling of hopelessness.
That’s not to say that the “ no pain, no gain” is true. If everything is painful and difficult that only leads to hopelessness as well.
In the end, not every goal is easy or hard, but both have equal value.
In the yoga sutras, Patanjali speaks of balancing effort and letting go. Sutra 1.12, abhyāsa-vairāgya-ābhyāṁ tan-nirodhaḥ, translates to “The mental modifications are restrained by practice and non-attachment.” This is the ability to be steadfast without focusing on the outcome.
There is Abhyasa or to consistently practice, have a strong conviction, and make a persistent effort while balancing it with Varaigya, non-attachment to the end results. Be resolute in your efforts and not be fixated on the outcome of those efforts and your mind will be at ease.
To have tolerance, determination, and a belief in one’s abilities, without attachment to a particular outcome, is at the heart of hope.
Hope Comes from the Struggle
In the end, you develop hope through adversity and discomfort.
To foster hope is to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Hope encourages us to look forward confidently and it becomes a refuge in the midst of difficulty.
You can’t know, but you can trust there will be movement and there will be change. Hope then is about how you plan and act to move towards achieving what you want.
Some ways to cultivate hope in trying times:
Do something—Build agency by establishing clear, achievable goals. You can make an effort to improve what you can control. You have the strength and the ability to adapt to what comes your way.
Embrace uncertainty—There is hope in the certainty that things to do change.
Find a sense of community—You are not alone and bearing tough times with the support of others can help you sustain your energy. You may feel a sense of accountability and part of something bigger.
Manage your attention—Where you place your attention matters. It may be best to spend less time paying attention to threatening information. It’s not putting your head in the sand but it may be best to avoid negative messages. With your attention, you can train your mind to align your behavior with what you value most.
Look at history—Can you remember other times in your life when things have been bleak and you’ve been able to get past it? What did you do? Can you use the evidence to guide your plans and actions?
Find gratitude—No matter how small, be it your morning coffee or the purring of your cat, looking for the things you can appreciate can help you get out of the cycle of negativity and move towards hopefulness.
Even in the darkness, it is possible to cultivate hope and forge a pathway forward. Finding hope doesn’t negate the difficulties, but it gives you the space to sit in the middle of it and know that things will eventually change.
For more pathways to finding hope, please reach me at sharyn@truenorthwell.com. I’ll be glad to help you.